The Lonely Londoners Read online

  Cap was a man like that. Cap had plenty work, but he only stay a few days at any of them. And though he never have money in his pocket, yet he would be there, there with the boys, having a finger in everything. Cap only smoking Benson and Hedges – if you offer him a Woods he would scorn you. If he manage to hustle a pound, he eating a big meal, belching, buying a pack of B and H, and he ready to face the world.

  Come a time when the warden of the hostel tired hearing Cap talk about the allowance that coming and never come, and tell him he have to leave. As luck would have it, Cap was staying in the same room with Moses, and he tell Moses not to say anything, but he would go out during the day and sneak back in the room to sleep in the night.

  One morning the warden get suspicious and he begin to make a rounds looking for Cap, and when he come to Moses room the old Cap get so frighten that he start to rattle. He fly out the bed and went down on his knees before Moses, clasping his hands as if he saying prayers.

  ‘Don’t say that I am here,’ he beg Moses, ‘I would get in trouble.’ And he went and hide in the clothes closet.

  The warden open the door and look around and ask Moses if anybody else in the room, but he say no.

  Captain come out after and start to shake Moses hand and thank him.

  ‘You will have to go,’ Moses say. But though he threaten the Captain often, Cap still hanging out in Moses room in the hostel.

  To make things worse, he start getting up in the night and saying that he see a white pigeon flying over his bed.

  ‘It ain’t have no pigeon in here,’ Moses say.

  ‘But I tell you I saw it!’ Cap drawing back under the blankets. ‘It must be the spirit of my father from Nigeria.’

  Another night Cap wake Moses up. ‘Believe me, I saw an angel with a harp playing over your bed,’ he tell Moses.

  ‘Listen,’ Moses say. ‘The next time you see that angel playing a —ing harp over my bed, you don’t say or do anything. I like harp music, and he come to inspire me.’

  One time Cap make a hundred pound. He hear that some English fellars who want car used to get Africans to buy them, saying they leaving the country. In that way they get away from a big set of purchase tax. Then the African would use the car a bit and sell it to the fellar who finance the venture as secondhand car. The Cap get in this racket, and make a hundred pound, but it went through his hands so quick that the morning he wake up broke he was surprise.

  Things reach a head at the hostel and he had to pull out. Cap walk out as if he going for a stroll, with a toothbrush in his pocket. Brazen as ever, he went to a hotel and put on the soft tone, explaining he was a student and expected his allowance any day. Cap face so innocent that the clerk start calling him ‘mister’ and hustle to get him a room. No cheap room, one of the best, and Cap insisting on the ground floor too.

  One thing with Cap, he love woman too bad. He is one of them fellars who would do anything to get a woman, and it ain’t have a night that he not coasting down the Bayswater Road, or drifting round by the Circus. In fact, all the odd money that he need he get from women that he pick up here and there about the place. So what he doing is sleep in the day, and go out in the night to look for cat and sponge a meal whenever he could.

  Well of course the hotel people begin to get uneasy when two weeks go by and Captain allowance ain’t come, and they tell him he would have to leave. So Cap went out for a walk and didn’t come back. In the Water, it hardly have a place where he ain’t do the same thing, from boarding house to hotel, from room to room. He had to widen the area after a time. One day you would hear he living Caledonia, another time he move to Clapham Common, next time you see him he living Shepherd’s Bush. Week after week, as landlord and landlady catch up with him, the Captain moving, the wandering Nigerian, man of mystery. Nobody could contact Cap, is only by chance you bouncing him up here and there about London.

  ‘Where you living now Cap?’

  A kind of baby smile, and ‘Victoria.’

  ‘Ah,’ Moses tell Galahad when he was giving him ballad about Cap, ‘is fellars like that who muddy the water for a lot of us. You see how it is? One worthless fellar go around making bad, and give the wrong impression for all the rest.’

  Cap had an Austrian girl who was a sharp dresser, all kind of fur coat in the winter, and in the summer some kind of dress that making fellars whistle and turn round. As long as Cap had a place to take she, where have a bed to relax, this Austrian was all right. And for Cap, he used to take she round by all the fellars he know when he ain’t have no place to stay himself.

  This kind of life going on, and the Austrian trying she best to make Cap look for work.

  ‘Why don’t you get a job,’ she tell Cap, ‘there are many jobs around, and all your friends are working.’

  ‘Jobs are hard to get,’ Cap say cagey, ‘it is not as easy as you think. I have tried many times.’

  On one of those many times, the employment exchange send Cap to a railway to get a storekeeping work for seven pounds. When Cap go, the fellar in charge look at him and say yes, it have a work, but is not storekeeping work, and the pay is six ten.

  ‘What kind of work it is?’ Cap say. At this stage in his acquaintance with the boys he does forget proper English and many times you would mistake him for a West Indian, he get so hep.

  The fellar take Cap to the back of the station, and behind there real grim. The people who living in London don’t really know how behind them railway station does be so desolate and discouraging. It like another world. All Cap seeing is railway line and big junk of iron all about the yard, and some thick, heavy cable lying around. It have some snow on the ground, and the old fog at home as usual. It look like hell, and Cap back away when he see it.

  ‘They tell me the pay was seven pounds,’ Cap say, backing back.

  ‘They made a mistake,’ the fellar say. ‘Do you think you can shift that piece of cable?’

  ‘Take it easy,’ Cap say.

  ‘Go on, have a try,’ the fellar urge.

  ‘Take it easy,’ Cap say. ‘I will think about it and let you know.’

  When he meet Moses he tell him how they was threatening him with this work in the railway.

  ‘Is so it is,’ Moses say. ‘They send you for a storekeeper work and they want to put you in the yard to lift heavy iron. They think that is all we good for, and this time they keeping all the soft clerical jobs for them white fellars.’

  Cap evade work so much that the Austrian start to get vex with him.

  ‘How is it, she tell Cap, that Moses has a job and manages on his salary? Why can’t you get a job at the factory where he works?’

  She nag Cap so much that at last Cap went to see Moses. He come back and tell the girl yes, he get a night-work same as Moses, and he would be starting right away.

  In the night the Austrian come to the tube station with Moses and the Cap, and she buy a platform ticket and went down the platform with them, and she kiss Cap and wish him luck, and Cap and Moses get on the train and went.

  When the train reach Notting Hill Gate Cap get off and went to hustle woman as usual.

  He do that for a week and the Austrian please that he working so hard. When Friday come she ask Cap how much pay he get.

  ‘This is a place,’ Cap say, ‘where they don’t pay you the first week that you work.’

  The second week Cap carry on as usual, catching the tube in the Water and hopping off at the Gate.

  When the week over Cap tell the girl that he left the work because it too hard.

  How it is, that it have women, no matter how bad a man is, they would still hold on to him and love him? Though the Austrian find out what Cap was doing, she still stay with him. In fact, when things hard she start pawning wristwatch, ring, coat, shoes and anything to get a penny, and she giving Cap all the money. Cap used to send she round by a fellar name Daniel to borrow, and she would go there and cry big water and say how things hard, and the old Daniel, who can’t bear to see a woman cry, w
ould lend she five-six pounds.

  When Daniel see she later and ask for the money, she say she give Cap to give him. When he ask Cap, Cap say he give the Austrian to give him.

  One time Cap was in a thing with two woman. One was a German and the other was English. He borrow eight pounds from the frauline, and as time went by and she can’t see him at all, she send the Chelsea police after him. Now Cap have a genuine fear of the law – though he might be the most shiftless and laziest fellar in London, one thing is that he never in any trouble with the law. So when the Chelsea police take after him he was frighten like hell.

  Same time, he was in another thing with the English one. She spend some time in Africa and she know a lot of the boys from there. When she was in London she had a big work with a respectable firm, and she always travelling light – toothbrush and toothpaste and soap and towel and night things in a small travelling bag, and after work she going round by one of the fellars she know.

  Well Cap get in with this thing, and when the German close in on him, he take a wristwatch off the English girl and pawn it and pay the frauline the eight pounds.

  One night Cap take the English round by Daniel, and soon after that Daniel was carrying the girl to ballet and theatre and cinema. The English was smart – Cap not taking her anywhere or spending any money, while this Daniel taking she to all the latest shows. Teahouse of the August Moon and Sadlers Wells and to restaurants in the Circus and in Soho. So the outcome was that she left Cap and begin to go with Daniel.

  One night she tell Daniel how Cap take she wristwatch and didn’t give it back.

  ‘What!’ Daniel say, feeling like a knight rescuing a damsel in distress, ‘we have to do something about that!’

  He and the girl went to Earl’s Court, which part Cap had a room at the time. When Daniel ask the landlady for Cap, she say she don’t know where he is, that he went away owing ten pounds rent.

  Somewhere in London Cap hear the rumour that Daniel looking for him, so he went to Daniel house one night, where he meet the English girl.

  ‘Cap,’ Daniel say, ‘how you could do a thing like this, man? You take the girl wristwatch and pawn it! You have to get it back for she right away!’

  Cap see he can’t get out of the situation no how so he start to buse the English girl, calling she all kind of whore and prostitute, saying how she could go with Daniel. And with that he went away not to see Daniel again until the matter was forgotten.

  One powerful winter Cap was shivering with cold, and the sight touch Moses heart. He lend Cap a camelhair coat. When spring come, Moses looking all about for Cap to get back the coat. But he can’t see Cap nowhere. Truth is it always happen that Cap see him first and hop off the bus or tube and run to hide. At last Moses run him to earth in Marble Arch one evening.

  ‘Aye, you bitch,’ Moses say, ‘I looking for you all about. Where my coat?’

  ‘I ain’t have it, Moses,’ Cap say in the baby voice.

  ‘You best hads get it for me,’ Moses say, ‘or I set the police after you. I ain’t fooling, man.’

  At mention of police Cap turn white, which is a hell of a thing to see. And the next day he pass round by Moses house and drop the coat.

  And yet when things real desperate with Cap is Moses self who helping him out. The Austrian used to complain to him about Cap. ‘All day he is sleeping, sleeping, I do not know what to do.’

  Moses say: ‘Listen, I telling you, that man no good for you, he is a worthless fellar who won’t do no work, he would sleep with you and then look for somebody else to sleep with two minutes after, why you don’t leave him?’

  The Austrian ups and went back and tell Captain all what Moses say, and he and Cap had a big quarrel about it.

  But still Moses have compassion on him. Round about that time the Captain trousers start to give way under the stress and strain of the seasons, and it was Moses who give him a old pair of pants. Moses couldn’t help: everytime he going out with the Cap, Cap walking a little bit in front and asking him: ‘See if my backside is showing, boy, this pair of trousers wearing thin.’ And he look and see that Cap really in a bad way, and the soft heart was touched once more.

  So Cap get a pair of corduroys, and the Austrian girl give him a black blazer jacket.

  One night something happen with Cap and Moses nearly go mad laughing when he find out afterwards, because at the time he didn’t know nothing. He and Cap uses to coast Bayswater Road, from the Arch to the Gate, nearly every night. Well it had one woman used to be hustling there, dress up nice, wearing fur coat, and every time when the boys pass she saying ‘Bon soir,’ in a hoarse voice, and the boys answering politely ‘Bon soir’ and walking on. But on this particular night things was scarce on the patrol and the old Cap thirst bad, so Moses tell him why he don’t broach this big woman who always telling them ‘Bon soir.’

  Cap broach and he take the woman down by Gloucester Road and he was so hurry he couldn’t wait but had was to begin as soon as she turn off the lights in the room.

  Couple nights after they was talking to some women near a pub, when one of them turn to Captain and say: ‘It was you who slept with that man the other night!’

  And when the mark burst, Moses get to understand that this ‘Bon soir’ woman was really a test who used to dress up like a woman and patrol the area.

  Moses start one set of laughing, and the old Cap laugh too. He tell Moses he didn’t know anything until he begin, when he find the going difficult and realise that something wrong.

  Since that time all the boys greeting Captain: ‘Bon soir.’

  Who can tell what was the vap that hit Cap and make him get married? A man like he, who ain’t have nothing, no clothes, no work, no house to live in, no place to go? Yet is so things does happen in life. You work things out in your own mind to a kind of pattern, in a sort of sequence, and one day bam! something happen to throw everything out of gear, what you expect to happen never happen, what you don’t expect to happen always happen, and you have to start thinking all over again.

  Cap was a fellar like that – a fellar that you never know what he will be doing, which part he will be, what he will say. If you hear that Cap is Prime Minister of England, don’t be surprised. If you hear that Cap kill four-five people in the Circus, don’t be surprised. If you hear that Cap join a order of the monks and go to Tibet to meditate, be unconcerned.

  Cap had a friend in Brighton who had a garage business, who was friending with a French girl. The French girl went back to France and tell she sister how things rosy in Brit’n, and the sister come, and Cap get in with she. This number was a sharp thing and Cap like it more than the regular Austrian. He tell Frenchy how the garage business not doing so well – this time so he give her the impression that he have part ownership in his friend business – and that he would be leaving it and taking up a post with the Nigerian Government. He tell the girl is a better job, and she believe every word he say, partly because his face so innocent, and partly because she can’t understand English so well.

  So thinking they would soon be off to Nigeria, the girl decide to marry Cap. She went to a vicar and give three weeks notice, and when the time come Cap went, wearing the corduroy trousers and the black blazer jacket and the suede shoes, which was still carrying him around. Them suede shoes, the makers would pay Cap a lot of money if they could get him to advertise how long they last him.

  Without a cent in the world, no prospects, nothing at all Cap went to say ‘I do.’ When the vicar say they have to have a witness Cap run out on the road and was lucky to see a African fellar passing. He explain the position and the fellar say all right, but after the ceremony, when the vicar tell the fellar that he have to sign a book, the test shake his head.

  ‘I not signing anything,’ he say. ‘I come to witness, and I witness. But I not signing anything.’

  All the vicar explain to the test that it was necessary for the witness to sign the registry, the fellar decide that he not putting his name to any paper, an
d he went away.

  Good thing, the vicar wife was in, and she said she would witness.

  Cap, not having any address at the time, give Frenchy Daniel address and left the girl, saying he have some business to attend to.

  That evening when Daniel come home from work the landlord meet him by the door and say: ‘Your wife has come.’

  ‘My wife?’ Daniel say, standing up stupid.

  ‘Yes. She is waiting for you in your room.’

  When Daniel hear that he fly up the steps to see who it was. He see Frenchy sitting there with all her luggage, waiting on the Captain. She manage to explain to Daniel what she was doing there, and now Daniel in a quandary. He don’t know which part to find the Captain. At last he had to leave the girl and go to look, and he decide to try a allnight cafe in the Gate where Cap does always hang out, coasting lime over a cuppa or a cup of coffee, sitting there eyeing every woman, trying to make contact.

  As luck would have it he spot the old Cap having a cuppa, sitting down on a stool like if he have all the time in the world and not a worry on his mind.

  ‘Cap,’ Daniel say, ‘what the hell is this? Your wife home by me, man, with all she luggage.’

  ‘Good lord,’ Cap murmur, sipping tea and wiping his face with the clean white handkerchief. ‘Good lord.’

  ‘Don’t just sit there and say good lord, man. Do something.’

  ‘Look, Daniel, this is the way it is.’ And Cap say how he have no place to take the wife.

  ‘But Christ man why you get married if you have no place to live?’

  ‘Good lord,’ Cap murmur.

  Now Cap gambling on Daniel thirst, so when they go back to the room Cap encouraging conversation and getting Frenchy to talk familiar with Daniel, and sure enough the old Daniel had the kettle on to make a cup of tea.

  So the night wearing on, and Cap ain’t making no move to move, he only sitting down there wondering how to get out of the mooch he find himself in. As for Frenchy, she puzzle that Cap only sitting there and wouldn’t get up.